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Before Captain America: The First Avenger made us all believe in the power of nerds injected with super-secret serums made from the blood of Jose Canseco, in 1990 he was born to shitty-movie stardom in a film with effects so special, they have to wear their own helmets. In this version of the story, Red Skull is Italian for some reason and was kidnapped as a child by Nazis, because that's just how they do shit, and Captain America has flappy rubber wings on his mask for ears.
It's pretty dope all around. Most people will tell you that this version of Captain America is the worst one, that this is the worst comic book movie ever (although I can't stress enough the existence of Daredevil, Elektra, and The Fantastic Four), and that this is, in fact, one of the most terrible films of all time in general. ↓ Continue Reading Below Advertisement There is a scene in this movie in which Captain America has been welded to a missile.
As it's about to launch, he grabs the Red Skull by the wrist. The Red Skull, who is not welded to anything, pulls a knife and, without a second thought, cuts his own hand off to get free. He does not stab Captain America in the face or in the dick or even in the hand. He cuts his own hand off, because Red Skull is Red-iculousTM. And, possibly, horribly Red-tardedTM. Captain America then, while still strapped to the missile aimed at the White House, kicks it all the way to Alaska, in midair.
Pete Marovich/Getty Images News/Getty Images "I can see Italian missile silos from my porch!" Jump to the present, and the president of the United States is RoboCop's nemesis, Dick Jones. Captain America has been frozen under a light dusting of snow in Alaska for 50 years, and the Red Skull now wears makeup, so he's just the No Skull. Captain America steals two cars using the same lame gag and does more back flips than a gymnastics class full of 7-year-old girls, all toward the goal of preventing Red Skull from taking over the president with brain technology and/or blowing up Italy.
No, neither of those plans makes sense. ↓ Continue Reading Below Advertisement The Red Skull only appears as a man with a red skull for about five minutes in the entire movie and, this needs to be said again, his first major act as a villain after beating the ever-loving shit out of Captain America in hand-to-hand combat and welding him to a missile is to cut his own hand off. And for the rest of the movie, he still has the hand, and it's never explained why.
This movie cared so little for continuity that a character cutting his own hand off was something they were willing to overlook, because fuck everyone and everything, and that level of not caring is what was missing from movies like The Fantastic Four, which was awful because they tried so hard and failed. This movie didn't try to succeed at all, so it necessarily couldn't fail, and that's why you should probably watch it.
Trust me, the ending is totally worth it.
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Browse By: Highest Art Bids / Most Bids/ Ending First/Artist Last Name Review Your Bids Page: next Advanced Sort Offered Item Auction Details GREEN LANTERN #85 PAGE 18NEAL ADAMS 1971, Green Lantern and Green Arrow's Partner, Speedy--From the Legendary Speedy on Heroin Story No Reserve Auction BATMAN '66 #28 COVERMIKE ALLRED 2015, TV Batman and Robin vs. Killer Croc and Scarecrow No Reserve Auction HARLEY QUINN #1 VARIANT COVERMIKE ALLRED 2016, Tribute to the Iconic "Flash of Two Worlds" Cover Featuring Classic Harley, Modern Harley and the Joker No Reserve Auction AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #136 PAGE 3ROSS ANDRU 1974, Peter (Spider-Man) Parker and Mary Jane Watson are Almost Blown Up by the New Green Goblin No Reserve Auction SGT.
FURY #100 PAGE 5DICK AYERS 1972, Nick Fury Introduces the Comic Book's Writer and Artist to Celebrate 100th Issue No Reserve Auction FF #5 COVERMARK BAGLEY 2011, Black Bolt Defeats the FF and Spider-Man No Reserve Auction AVENGERS VS. X-MEN #1 VARIANT COVERCARLO BARBERI 2012, Bring on the Bad Guys--Deadpool, Red Skull, Apocalypse, Loki, Sinister, Kang, Ultron, Sentinels & More! No Reserve Auction BLACK PANTHER #13 PAGE 14JERRY BINGHAM 1979, Black Panther Action Page with Kiber the Cruel and His Wraith Soldiers No Reserve Auction IRON MAN #226 PAGE 6MARK BRIGHT 1988, From "Stark Wars"--Iron Man Battles the Raiders; Bob Layton Finishes No Reserve Auction DOOM 2099 #33 COVERPAT BRODERICK 1995, First Appearance of the Captain America of 2099 with Doom Looming in the Background No Reserve Auction DETECTIVE COMICS #424 PAGE 7BOB BROWN 1972, Early "Creature of the Night" Era Batman in Action in Every Panel; Dick Giordano Inks No Reserve Auction THOR #192 COVERJOHN BUSCEMA 1971, Thor Battles The Demolisher No Reserve Auction Page: next
Title: Bad Comic Book Art